Stix Blog

Paris in '08

The funny thing is  she is saying exactly what McCain is saying and it actually make sense and she is wearing clothes.   Who would have thought that????

H/T to Blogs of War

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Don Rickles roast of Ronald Reagan

You got to love Don Rickles.   And Ronald Reagan takes the jabs like a champ.

H/T to DUmmie FUnnies

It time for Campaigning

LOLcats

more cat pictures

Obama's latest seal

Remulak MoxArgon of the MoxArgon Group blog has the skinny on Obama's latest seal.   It fits perfectly.

The Latin means:

WORDS WITHOUT MEANING / DEEDS WITHOUT HONOUR.

Stars & Stripes FOREVER! (Muppets Variation)

VOTE CAREFULLY

via email

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.  This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!   When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.  John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.   Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible.

More from Obama's Seal

Xran at MoxArgon Group blog has done some investigating in what Obama's next seal will look like.

Here is Obama's favorite, but it was nixed:

Go over to the MoxArgon Group Blog to see them all

Obama's bus has too many people thrown under it

H/T to The Jawa Report

Reality, the only cure for BDS

H/T to KMACGINNN guest posting at Blonde Sagacity

The Dreaded Blog Sweatshops

The story of my life with all the blogs I post for

For all you cat owners

This is a PSA on how to discipline a cat. 

H/T to  D=S VIDEO DUMP

How Big Are John McCain’s Balls?

  From    D=S VIDEO DUMP

LOLcats

more cat pictures

Lose the SUV, Fatty

Neophyte wARS

You can make your own at Star Wars Crawl

Gaffe Wars

Typical Day at the Office

H/T to Barking Moonbat Early warning System

http://view.break.com/521743 - Watch more free videos

Problem Solved

It is probably not George Carlin but hell it still is a good idea.

George Carlin's Solution to Saving Gasoline

 
 
    Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use....
 
    The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants!

 
    That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....

 
    Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border....

 
    When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq ...
    Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military....
    Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.....

 
    After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country....
    He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot..... .

 
    This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ....

 
    If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo....
    Problem solved.....

    If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends. ............

    I just did.........

Dlouchebags of the Week

My new favorite blog MoxArgon have a listing of the Douchebags of the week.

1.  The Associated Press
2.  Al Gore
3.  House Democrats
4.  John Murtha
5.  MoveOn.Org

If you find yourself on this list, then...

Go and read the details of eahc of the Douchebags.

Keep watching the sky, They are watching us

 

The Ned seals of Obama's NSA and Dep. of Homeland Security

After hearing the enlightened speech from Obama's presumable National Security Advisor, the NSA and Department of Homeland Security have changed their seals.

H/T to Moonbattery via Are We Lumberjacks

Obama Policy Generator

Yes you can make you own Obama Policy with the Obama Policy Generator.

doubleplusundead Barack Obama Policy Generator

Live From New York
by Moron Pundit

Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama gave a speech here today detailing his breathtaking new policy proposals:

Hello! It's so wonderful to be here in Jacksonville today!

You see, the thing is ...hurrrrr... this confounded War in Iraq has taken money away that we could be spending on something important, like preschool oral sex education.

At this point, dozens of women fainted and three men in Abercrombie and Fitch shirts started making out. He continued:

People of Shamokin, you deserve better than the policies of Bobby Jindal. By Hate-Speech tribunals we will bring prosperity to Left-handed Mutants.Also, by working with our enemies, Australia, we can defeat those who deny us hope. Only then will allies like Russia give us the respect we deserve.

A review of the Toyota Prius

H/T to The Jawa Report

Friends

New on NBC

This is what I felt like this morning

more cat pictures

Oops caught me looking

more cat pictures

PSA

                         Canadian Medical Association researchers have made a

remarkable discovery.

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may

benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.

HA P P Y WOMAN

HA P P Y WOMAN
A woman in her fifties is at home, NAKED,
happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks,
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says,
"I don't care what you think.
I just came from having a mammogram,
and the doctor says that not only am I healthy,
but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass ?"
"Your name never came up," she replied

A Long Happy Life

A walker noticed an old lady sitting on her front step, so he walked up to her and said, 'I couldn't help noticing how happy you look!

What is your secret?'

'I smoke ten cigars a day,' she said.

'Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On week-ends , I pop pills, get laid, and do no other exercise at all.'


'That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?'

'Twenty-four,' she replied.

The Funniest Joke in the world

Batman in 2008

This is a candidate I can get behinf.  I have not seen the Ironman movie yet, but heard good things about it and I think they can clean up the mess we got in Washington.

Batman for President

teacher interview

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually- transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me . . . .

. . .I CAN'T PRAY?

The Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.  Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'.  Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post  turtle'.

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain.  'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there.'

PSA

via email

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.


Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.


Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.


Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.


Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.


Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only).


Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.


Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.


Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.. It does not make your rear look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and Margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?


Because I'm a man, and this is after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.


This has been a public service message to help women to better understand men.

1955

To keep things in perspective.

via email

Subject: Re: 1955

Thought you might enjoy sending this to some of your grandchildren or
young friends.
They will find it hard to believe.


Comments made in the year 1955!
That's only 53 years ago!
'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'
'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used one.'
'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous.
'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to
mail a letter?'
'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store.'
'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday
cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage.'
'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible
to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as
long as the girls.'
'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it! seems
every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.'
'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a
man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .'
'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the President.'
'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'
'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet.'
!
'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone
to watch their kids so they can both work.'
'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.'
'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot
of foreign business.'
'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best
people to congress.'
'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on.'
'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it
costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.'
'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital
it's too rich for my blood.'
'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for! a hair cut, forget it.'
Know any friends who would get a kick out of these, pass this on! Be
sure and send it to your kids and grandkids too!

Kama Sutra the IT Way

I just had to laugh at this one.  If any of you out there have never tried totake apart some computers, this is what it looks like with some computer cases .

CATHOLIC HORSES

CATHOLIC HORSES

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt,

Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track

and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up,

Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track.

Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate

the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window

and placed a small bet on the horse.

Again, even though it was another long shot,

the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings,

and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6

th race.

The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won.

Mitch was elated.

As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses,

and each one ended up coming in first.

Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money.

By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true.

He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings,

and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race

and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last.

Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded,

'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won.

Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile.

Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants,

you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'